So Informative

Why do I have a great blog idea when there is a pen shortage? This pandemic results in mediocre posts, like this one. Well, at least I can say I made my words quota. We all know one, that one person who needs to spew verbal vomit every time they open their mouth. That's me, but in blog form. Well, not today, I couldn't remember anything good so I updated my info. I think it accurately describes my mood today. Oh hey, that's be cool. A colour warning system. Chewy would know when not to mess with me an B Rad would know when he's about to have his manhood served to him on a platter. Yep, that's right, because you'd get served. Write that one down boys, I'll let you use it. Sizzle sizzle doesn't cut it.

Sun Down

Today I heard a fantastic cover of "“House of the Rising Sun"” originally done by The Animals. It was so good didn't realize it was a cover until I started singing along. I was like, "“How do I know the words?"” It, in case you were wondering, was Tracey Chapman covering the song. Some think covers are for no talent hacks that can't write their own songs. This is so no so. It takes great talent to take someone else'’s words and make them their own. A few examples come to mind, Madonna'’s "“Music"” is mediocre at best but a punk group, (Out of Your Mouth), made it sound a bit like the group Orgy, gothic and smeared. Al Green'’s song "Take me to The River"” was never a hit when he sang it, (even though his version, in my opinion, is the best version), was made asomeonehit by someon else because he put his own dig onto it. Metallica, (yes I'’m still angry with Lars), did a great cover of "Turn the Page." I used to think of buddy on his tour bus now I think of prostitutes, thanks. I think it's safe to say that the great covers list is huge as more and more artists can now get exposure via the Internet. However, I need to mention 2 of my all time favorite covers. KoRn covered Vanilla Ice'’s "“Ice Ice Baby"” and it is fantabulous. And I think it'’s more than safe to say that the best cover I'’ve ever heard came from an unlikely source, Johnny Cash himself did a cover. Now it'’s no stretch to say that I more than like Johnny Cash, I really do think living in the middle of nowhere turned me into a hick. It's odd but genius that he covered Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor's voice can be as miserable as a fresh prisoner at shower time. When I listen to "Hurt"” sung by Johnny Cash it sounds suicidal, but, I know that's not what the song'’s about. It'’s just pure gold, and not that crap they guard at Fort Knoleprechaunse magical gold that Lepracons have. Why is the Lep's gold better? Hello, it'’s at the end of a rainbow people, and FYI, those Skittles commercials are totally not believable. I hope they realize that or someone’s getting fired on Monday when this hits the press.

I Like hairspring in the Aerosol Cans, Not the Pump Spray...Who Has Time For a Pump Spray?

Al Gore? Try Al Bore!!!!!

This is an example of a pandemic that's sweeping our nation. Stupid puns. It's effecting everyone from black to white, rich to poor and even me the best damn blogger out there. But seriously kids, when did Al Gore become a movie star? And Tipper? What horrible parents to name their child Tipper. Sure it was the crazy 50's with the Cadi's and the post war STD's going around. Lord knows how many "Daisy Janes" her mum took and I'm sure her dad was never around, he spent all his time at the office or playing golf with his ever eager assistant "Josh" with the metro eyebrows and over groomed chops. But seriously now, apparently this "Global Warming" is a huge problem. There's only 100 years left unless we change now. 100 years? Please, I except that as a personal challenge. When he spoke of vehicles emitting toxic fumes, littering, pollution (from factories making everything from hair supplies to greating cards), and nuclear waste disposal, it's like he was talking to me. Well Al, I accept your challenge. 100 years to destroy our planet? I'll do it in 78, no, wait, 77 years. Take that Tipper.

What's The Deal With Airline Peanuts???

I would like to personally applaud the person who came up with the speed limit. (For those with learning disabilities (Brad), that's sarcasm) Since the dawn of time we (humans, not those sign language speaking apes) have driven our way into the history books. I don't ever remember reading anything about speed limits in the journey of life. Now, this whole "Construction Speed Limits" campaign has to end here. Wait...right...here. You're not going to get anyone to slow down with those stupid billboards, (Don't 'RIP' Through Construction Zones), and for the higher ups in the advertising firms, no one has ever in the history of forever has called speeding 'Ripping." If you want people to slow down, sit down, get a note pad and sharpen your pencils, I'm about to give you the best advice you'll ever receive: Harpoons.

I do believe my work here is done, as it clearly speaks for it's self.

No? It doesn't? You need more details?..... Ok....

You need to exploit your construction workers like the Christian Fund exploits malnourished orphans. Replace those billboards with the 'RIP' on a headstone and replace it with a bad-ass, tattooed, pierced, primary school drop out holding a harpoon and you'll get noticed. Take away their "Slow" hand signs and give them a harpoon big enough to turn Moby Dick inside out 3 times over. Spear a few tires and impale a few bikers and it won't take long before word of mouth turns your uphill battle to a smooth ride down Success River. I'm not saying it'll end all road side troubles, but it will end the used of ridiculous commercials and shameful, shameful uninspired print ads.

***** Brad, you're off the hook, I like the title******

You're so a L7 <--That's For Chewy

Well, well, well. The shunned come crawling back. I thought I was too 8 Mile for you B Rad. Now, I may be ghetto but I do know my grammar, and I'm pretty sure the word you were looking for was "you're" not "your." Better luck next time but as a parting gift you'll receive a lovely set of steak knifes from the fine people at Slash Pro. Enjoy mofo.

Mmmm, Soylent

Being back at my parents house is not really all that weird. It's like I never left, except that my room has completly different furniture in it and nothing is at all the same. It's nice though. I really like what my mum's done with my room, it looks good. If only she'd done that while I lived here. I may not have been so ill-adjusted to life in the real world. Can I just say this one thing and I'll never bring it up again? Why do the employees in Safeway make a point of looking at you and saying "Good morning" with a false cheery disposition? I gotta tell ya, kinda creepy. You just know the woman behind the deli counter isn't that happy at 8:15 in the frickin morning. And someone should tell health and safety those hairnets freak me out. And have they never heard of clear hairnets? You can't even see them on most test subjects. (Yes I did say most, there were a few lab rats who looked completely skuz during lab tests). And if for some crazy reason this woman is soo cheery that early, what is she really making back there? I wouldn't be surprised if your tuna sandwich didn't have a healthy dollop of Soylent Green.

Becks, You Suck

I can see being hurt, I can see being upset and I can totally understand it's been a long time coming, but to drop kick a country when they're so down, (and we all kow how down England really is, even without the loss) but that just plain sucks. And for that Mr. David Beckham gets three Angry Grannys out of four.