So Sad, So Sad

I am saddened by what I heard on the radio tonight. While I was minding my own business, bopping along to the local radio station, a good radio station at that, a really good song came on. The song: Nothing Else Matters. The Artist: Metallica, normally. Oh kiddies, oh kids, I heard Metallica and Bif Naked sing the same song!, only they were spliced together in what I can only assume was supposed to be seamlessly. It wasn't, and it was horrible, and I really do mean horrible. It wasn't even the fact that she covered the song, I could handle that. I like covers as much as the next guy. And it wasn't the fact that it was spliced together, nor was it because Bif Naked's version was acoustic, but... But it was when she ad-libbed a chorus during Kirk's guitar rif. I know what some would think, "So what!?" Oh buddy, you obviously don't know how hard it is to play an intricate solo like that and make it seem effortless.

19:22 Still A Mystery

I'm not sure exactly when it all started but I have become one of those people. You know them, the ones who just keep buying stuff in case one day they might need it. Today, I became a card carrying member. My realization didn't come after looking at the 3 boxes in my closet filled with stuff from Ikea and Pier 1. Nor did it come from opening the boxes and looking at the black dishes that I think would go well with the square set of glasses that go very well with the 4 piece mirror that goes exceptionally well with the 3 grey lamps. No, it came when I found a picture frame that I had no idea existed. It was here all along, in my hall closet, amongst all the coats and shoes I wear often. It sat there in the bag, un-used, un-loved, un-know for ages. I, like any puzzled owner of such items, searched the bag for clues as to when and for what I would have bought such an item. At last! The receipt! Surely that would shed some light on this mystery! My clues are as follows:
Store ~ Home Sense
Date ~ April 07, 2005
Time ~ 19:22
Price ~ $13.00
Paid ~ Debit

{Insert crickets here}

I got nothing. Well, not nothing, a pink suede picture frame. I won't feel badly I'm sure even Sherlock would have trouble with this one. I wonder if we'll have weekly meetings.......

The Sobbing Heard Around The World

He Shoots! He Scores! He Shoots! He Scores! He Shoots! He Scores! He Shoots! He Scores! He Shoots! He Scores! He Shoots! He Scores! He Shoots! He Scores! He Shoots! He Scores!

That my friends is what I heard watching the Ottawa ~ Toronto game last night. Now I can take a loss every now and then, but I do question this loss. Oh yes, my beloved team The Leafs had a humiliating 8-0 defeat. I don't blame you boys, no not you. I blame the new rules and the ref and lines men who'll call anything. Good grief! Domi can't sneeze without getting a penalty. I don't know how many power plays there were, but in the first 2 minutes of play Ottawa had one. I'm just saying, the new rules suck.

I'll try not to dwell on this but... In a movie or TV show, who is on the other end of the phone? I'm sure I've mentioned this before but I just can't wrap my mind around it. If the phone is dead and the actors are just pausing and then saying their lines, bravo! Give them an award! I'm not good on the phone with a real person on the other end! And then to have the editing room seamlessly splice it together! WOW! You fooled me guys, you fooled me.

Retirony

Bewitched, The Dukes of Hazard, Wedding Crashers, Alfie. Que the music! "One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong. Can you tell me which thing is not like the other by the time I finish this song." BUZZ!
The correct answer is Wedding Crashers. Now that was a good movie. The others were not. Not only were they not good, they were double not good. What the hell is going on in Hollywood? When did this all begin? All this remaking old movies and tv shows. These movie producers need to be visited by a little friend I like to call originality. He's small, orange and is often accompanied by a small gremlin. Well maybe gremlin is not the right word, maybe hob-goblin?
Yesterday I went shopping to find a hat. Do you know how hard it is to find a simple olive green Fidel hat? WEM must have 30 stores having such items and I couldn't find one without a "vintage"tear, yellow stitching, or Nike "swish." Is it a swish or a swooch? I just don't know anymore. Also, how is ADIDAS and UMBRO supposed to be pronounced? I say Ah-dee-das and oom-bro, like I was taught to speak in europe. However, canadians love to correct me. Open your mind Canada, accept me for who I am and know me better man! I just wanna belong! Oh why won't you let me belong?!?

~Hybrid Theory~

Apparently Robin Williams wasn't the only one wanting to be Peter Pan in the movie "Hook." Director Steven Spielberg had a Voodoo curse put on him by Michael Jackson because the King of Pop wanted so badly to be Peter Pan. Wow, talk about issues. If only we had some way of knowing years ago that he was so weird. Oh wait, I do remember a court case about 12 years ago. But hey, I guess subtle clues are lost on most. Hey, what was Captain Hook's name before he had a hook for a hand? That's be sad if it was Hook. That's just willing it to happen. At least he's not Captain Syphilis or Captain Crabs! That's funny because he's a sailor and they eat crabs.
When did World Poker become such a huge thing? It's televised now and last night I saw the show "Full Contact Fishing." Really? Full Contact? I guess it was only semi contact before. What's that? Do I hear the gallop of the 4 Horse Men now? And if Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? Plus the Road Runner is all muscle, I can't imagine he'd get that much meat of him anyways. And why does stupidity run wild in cartoons? Since when does gravity not apply unless you realize you're not standing on the cliff anymore? All these questions, surely someone has the answers. ~Enter Napolean Dynamite~

Took The Midnight train Going Anywhere

Wow, it's been a while since my last post. As I sit here listening to Journey's classic Midnight Train I'm hit with the sudden realization that: A. I'm cold. and B. I've never ever dreamed of being any kind of Pro Athlete. Woah, that hurts the pride a bit. It's not up there with your mum telling 5 co-workers that you have to see all day, everyday the embarrassing story that you never wanted revealed, at the work lunch table, but it is above falling on the ice walking up to Rexal (which by-the-way was called Skyreach in my day) with every scalper and panhandler watching. Oh yes, there were panhandlers, oh and you just know that they have a network. How does the phone chain really go down with them anyways? You must have a payphone that you'd frequent. Nice, like a 555 number. Those really are the best. I always wonder who's on the other end of a 555 number when your favorite 30-something-actor-playing-a-20-something-character calls his peeps for a kegar. Also, who charges the cordless phones for a scene? The phones always light up and beep when dialing just like an actual phone. It adds to the realism of the show/movie. I know I'm always convinced it's real when Drew runs into the yard and bolts down the driveway with the murderer right behind her. Not only would I not run away because A. You have baseball bats, knives, and hammers inside your house but B. You know the layout better than any murderer who's cased the joint and barracading yourself in the attic works, note to self just pull the little cord up and voila! Instant safety! But I would stay and fight. I mean you're going to either die or kill your attacker. You'll die running but if you die fighting you'll at least get to know what it's like to slice and dice. Plus, murder in the name of self defense no longer becomes a crime. I may need to check that fact for you next time.