Bad Mood Bear

Today I'm in a bit of a mood. I can't be annoyed to pretend to care about trivial crap that the rest of you live for. These small things are eating away at my soul. Stupid commercials, Cascade, Cabbage Patch Puppies, Carmex, all crap. Total crap. I hate commercials, if I wanted to be interrupted while watching TV I'd talk to that person. You know who, the person who'll find any excuse to chat while you're watching a program that's actually holding your interest. If I cared about the sodium content in Post Raisin Bran, I'd walk to the grocery store, pick up a box and become that pretentious a-hole who thinks he's better than everyone else because he knows what he's putting into his body. Just stop it you bald, glasses wearing freak. No one thinks you're cool, in fact we think you're a hard retard. Damn commercials. They're always louder than the TV show and the product they're pitching is not even remotely related to the audience. If I watch Ride Guide, I don't really care about Mr. Clean. Who the hell would pair up Ali G with Country Time Lemonade? A total retard that's who. I also now hate advertisers and the director of the commercials. Who the hell wants to be a commercial director? I can't imagine what the Film School reunion is like. "Oh yeah, I've directed 3 Lord of the Rings movies." "I've directed Titanic, what about you Bob?" "Oh yeah, I did the 3 Mr. Clean and last years' Yoplait commercials." Insert crickets here and nervous cough here. My goal is to rid the world of everything I hate.

I started a list of things I hate, it's pretty long, you know, it's amazing how I can funnel my rage into a list. I really didn't think it was possible but eh, here we go. I really do hate stupid commercials, advertisers, whining stupid kids, green beer, orange pants, people who can't take hints, people who give hints so subtle they're impossible to get, and then complain that people can't take hints. People who never give hints in the first place, and then complain that people can't take hints. who swear at me in a foreign language, people who don't respond in metric when I ask about temperature, distance, or volume because they know I don't know the imperial system. Those damn people who try to look and dress like their idols, especially. Kurt Cobain and Marilyn Manson, as if it's somehow going to make them cooler. Then the ones who try to look and dress like their idols, and wear T-shirts featuring the idol they're trying to emulate. I really hate salespeople who have no appreciable knowledge of the product they're selling, and those who try to fake it anyway. Computer geeks at HP who refuse to accept my diagnosis of the problem, even though I know twice as much as them. Conformists, (enough said), and then the "nonconformists" who conform to some nonconformist clique, nerd for whom Star Trek takes precedence over personal hygiene. Eww. Preachey ex-druggies with a mission. (Don't try to preach to me, I'm the one who was smart enough not to do drugs retard) People who give me presents so now I'm obligated to get them one in return, people who give me a present I already have, and now I have to pretend that I'm thrilled to get it, again. Plaid pants. Companies who try to make money off of dead celebrities by selling "commemorative" stamps and dishes and companies who try to make money off of dead musicians by releasing "greatest hits" albums every couple years, with pretty much the same songs on them every time. (Does 2Pac ring a bell???) People who drive slower than I do, people who drive faster than I do. People who pass me while I'm in the passing lane, people who don't signal until halfway into their turn and people who don't signal turns at all. When I'm at the highway and realize I forgot something at home, locking my car keys in my car, and also locking my house keys in my car. Stupid dogs like Poodles, Bichons, Chihuahuas, Yorkshire Terriers, Dachshunds, any other dog whose IQ is equal to its weight in kilograms and the owners who dress them up. People who narrate the movie as it's happening ("He's dead!", "Oh, now they're driving away!"), and the idiot who commands to the characters on the screen ("Say something!", "Don't go in there!"). Yeah, because they can hear you, stupid. People who laugh inappropriately at serious or horrific scenes (murders, rapes) and girls who cry loudly during the same scenes. The makers of the standard serving size of Kraft Dinner, who the hell can eat all that????? The Barenaked Ladies. "Adult Contemporary." Country music, Nana Mouskouri, Paul Brant, Elvis, Kevin Federline, Elvis (still), Yoko Ono but not because she broke up the Beatles, because she wore that stupid bowl hat and big glasses. Alicia Silverstone, Billy Baldwin, Ellen Degeneres, David Letterman, Steven Baldwin, the entire cast of Star Trek: DS9, Brett Butler, Grace Buttler, William Baldwin, and the Suggle Fresh Bear. I really hate The Smoggies, Sailor Moon, HeMan, The Rug Rats and that stupid cow Lydia from Beetlejuice. People who say "try and" instead of "try to," people who say "I could care less" instead of "I couldn't care less". (If you could care less about something, then you obviously place some sort of value on it, now don't you?) Those people who say "all but" as if it were an intensifier instead of a negative. Listen, you people — "all but" means "everything except"! (If something was "all but destroyed", then it wasn't, repeat, was not destroyed!) People who talk about "human rights" when they're really talking about legal or constitutional rights and the people who talk about "human rights" when they're really talking about privileges. People who use "literally" as if it were an intensifier. ("Oh, when I saw what she did, my jaw literally hit the floor!") Oh really? I don't see any bruises on your stupid face, stupid. Signs that use quotation marks as if they were intensifiers, especially on signs promoting "free" drinks or "real" ice cream. Improperly used (or neglected) apostrophes, and when people write "your" instead of "you're". And the talking at the beginning or end of a song and the actors in the Downy Dryer sheets commercials. Aslo, the cartoon for Gain laundry soap and the girl's soccer team in the retarded Febreze commercial. TheAmericann who sued a doctor for giving him an emergencytracheotomyy in arestaurantt (which saved his life) and the judge who sided against the doctor.