General Duvet and Couch... Yeah

Yesterday, while I was typing an email at work to Stampy in Airdrie, I couldn't help but notice how great I was typing. I'm not normally a great typist, I'm always looking at the keyboard, but yesterdayI was in the zone. I only glanced down twice and my punctuation and spelling was wicked fantabulous. It was chilly and my fingers were cold, so, maybe that's my optimal atmosphere for oplympic style typing, perhaps this is why I only just discovered my immaculate talent until just now. I must say, I am the Joaquin Phoenix of typing. Now I could have said Wayne Gretzky or even John A. MacDonald but I like Joaquin Phoenix , I know a lot of people who like Joaquin Phoenix. His brother River was ok, I know that Johnny Cash liked Joaquin Phoenix and I hear that even Jon Heder likes Joaquin Phoenix . I saw him a few months ago on Conan O'Brien's show, so I think it's safe to say that yes, even Conan O'Brien likes Joaquin Phoenix. Now, who doesn't like Joaquin Phoenix? Only murderers and thieves, that's who. And your not a murderer or thief are you? So I'm the Joaquin Phoenix of typing, wow, I have to tell you, it feels, great, really great. I know you're jealous of my mad skills so we'll move on. Just remember, I am the Joaquin Phoenix of typing.

I still have my cold, Desert Fox gave it to me and I take great pride in knowing that I gave it to B Rad. He sounded really harsh yesterday. I however, was able to mask my symptoms. His fault was relying on Halls. Only Halls? Only Halls? You have to think of a cold as a war, you can't win it with empty Christmas wrapping paper tubes, (Halls), that'll be figured and adapted to quickly. You need to keep it guessing. I start my day with a shot of Buckleys, then follow up my glass of milk with a Dayquil tablet and pop another one at lunch, and I have Strepsils throughout the day. When I get home from work I take follow-up shot of Buckleys and some more Strepsils, they make my tongue numb but I can still talk and my thoat doesn't feel too bad, take that. I like to end my day battle with aNyquil nightcap. I get to bed early and sleep a good 7 hours and combat my enemy all over again the next day. You see B Rad, you must close the Martha Stewart website windows, put away the Laptop and go to sleep. This is why you sound like crap and I have a slight sore throat and barley a sniffle. Well, until today. I figured I was ok last night so I didn't take my Nyquil night cap and that's when I was flanked, as I slept, the enemy's army surrounded my camp and attacked. I was defenseless, my army in the kitchen playing cards or whatever they do on their downtime. But, I woke up, thought it was all good, I opened my one eye, coughed a bit but figured it was cool, then I tried to talk. Now imagine taking a fork and sticking it down your throat and scraping it a few thousand times, yep, that's it. And that's how I feel. I hate defeat. Oh but it's not over, I just need to regroup, just need to regroup, get in some reinforcements, maybe a few snipers called Benalyn and Sudafed and the generals, Duvet and Couch. It ain't over.