If You Go Out in the Woods Today, You're Sure to Get a Surprise!

I googled a few stupid things tonight. I was surprised by the results. I first googled "Strange Ideas" and got, not much. Just a few sites about strange business ideas and they tried to sell me a book. Next on the docket was "Stupid Movie Quotes." Now I expected to find not much but I was directed to AFI's 100 years in movies and it lists many things including the 50 best villains and heros. I was shocked at a few. The number one for both categories I agree with:

#1 Hero - Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird
#1 Villain - Dr. Hannibal Lecter in The Silence of the Lambs

But Batman is #46 and Superman is #26!!!!! I feel shocked!!!!!! Cotttttton! Surely the 25 all the way up to number 1 has to be better than Batman and Superman! Nope! Virgil Tibbs in The Heat of the Night is #19, Rocky Balboa in Rocky is #7 and Clarice Starling in The Silence of the Lambs is #6!!!!! These three are not better than either Batman or Superman combined!!!!! Wow, all I can say is Wow.

Now lastly I googled "If a Tree Falls in the Woods and There's No One Around to Hear it, Does it Make a Sound?" Woah, you may need to sit down for this one. Apparently there is a "Human Stress Syndrome" for plants! Here it is summed up the best way I know how, you know, for all you skeptics.

Scientists have been dealing with the problem of natural tree falls (and the sound they make, or don't make) for quite some time and have drawn some rather surprising conclusions.

If a tree falls and there's a person around the sound it's easily recognized. If a tree falls in the forest and there is nobody nearby, the sound that it makes is very different and often not recognized as the sound of a tree falling. Either way, there is a sound. Even though plants do not show any changes to the naked (or lensed) eye, when a human is in their presence systemic biological changes have been discovered that have grave effects on plant life when a person is within 300 meters. This effect is called "human stress syndrome." Apparently, when a tree is about to fall, if it senses a human nearby the biological stresses of human presence cause the cell walls in the plant to become brittle and it is the cell brittleness responsible for the familiar sound we know as that of a tree fall. The cell brittleness also has significant effects to the quality of the lumber, making it much more suitable for use in construction. The non-human-stressed wood (naturally falling tree lumber) is almost always rather soft and wet. In many cases you will find splotches of various colors and sections of the wood that appear more like a sponge (one of the best sources of natural sponge is from fallen trees). And if you try to build a structure out of this wood, you are in for a bad surprise when your building soon collapses. Oops! Clean up on 34th and Main!!!

Well, now that's a lesson for all you tree tippers out there! You're giving those poor trees a syndrome! But they do stand all tall and bitchy-like, I see how you'd be tempted. But stick to cows! Really! They like it, the element of surprise, going to sleep standing, waking up in the mud, on your ass. It really jolts ya.